WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
