He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
