hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
