You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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