How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
