Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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