ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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