I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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