sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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