it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
