Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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