I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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