just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
