Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
