Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
