Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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