Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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