You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
