margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
