Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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