I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
