And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
