Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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