smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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