my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
