can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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