The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
