well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
