Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
