My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Panties = found
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