You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
