Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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