o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
