I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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