you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
