im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
did you just send me my own nude
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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