So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
