Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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