I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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