He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I intend to get homeless drunk
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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