All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
