Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
