If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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