I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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