dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize