Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
