So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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