im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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