Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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