Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
