I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
