I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You're like the curious george of whores
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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