You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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