FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
