She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
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Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
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Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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