OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
