:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
