why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Drake has all the answers
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
