WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
