I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
