On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
