It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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