My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
