Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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