I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
