So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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