Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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