I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
