I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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