I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
