My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The Olympian is in my bed
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
