I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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