Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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