Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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