im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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