i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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