It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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