we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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